The problem with “reality”

Abstract Wallpapers_00059

It's a pretty picture.. end of story.

The term “reality” is defined in several ways when in actuality it is quite simple: If you can see it, touch it, taste it, hear it, or smell it.. it’s real. End of story. Enough of this modern and postmodern philosophizing that sounds something like.. “Blah blah blah.. nothing is actually real.”

Ok.. while you live your science fiction convoluted version of “we’re not really here”, I’ll walk my dog, drink a cup of coffee, have a cigarette, eat some food and have a couple beers. n19802589_30535407_8505

The problem really began when someone decided to distinguish between subjective and objective reality. Essentially, the idea with “subjective” is that everyone has their “own” reality. I suppose that’s why when everyone else said “Oh my god bombs are falling!” someone else said “Yay fireworks!” By the way.. that was probably me. Anywhoozle.. there is a term for people who see things differently in spite of evidence: DELUSIONAL. 3348387262_b1f52c89ac

Someone unworthy of notation once said: “The pen has a secret life more intense than most humans.” Uhh…… yeah, you know my Bic Ultimate has a collection of leatherbound books and is getting it on with one kinky paperclip.

Get freaky!

Get freaky!

Published in: on August 2, 2009 at 4:47 AM  Comments (1)  
Tags: , ,

The problem with serial killers

DISCLAIMER: I would like to state in advance that I in no way advocate actual murder.

BUT… think about this. More often than not, serial killers target innocent people. Obviously, this is a major problem for society. However, wouldn’t it be great if serial killers went after the scum of the universe? If you said no it’s probably because you are a serial killer yourself. Now, I understand that part of the thrill of murder for most is the helplessness of the victim. That’s been done. Others murder because they are rebelling or exacting revenge. Old newssisters Still, others murder simply because they are amoral. Well, that’s great, but since we are living in one of the most amoral times what better way to make a statement than to murder assholes? Now I got you thinking..

ClipartSo calling all axe murderers of the world.. next time you break in on a 90 year old woman making tea, instead go next door and perform a public service and get rid of the lying, cheating, embezzling, fraudulent, or otherwise useless and draining on society piece of shit.how-to-catch-a-cheating-husband_hubsite40a

Published in: on August 2, 2009 at 4:28 AM  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , ,

Cynical Witticisms

So rather than bore you to sniffles with the whole “Hi, my name is Whatever. I’m from some remote location. I like poodles and lollipops, I’ll just get right down to business. Basically my entire outlook on life can be summed up in the following:

Now, usually when you look up quotes to live by, you’ll find the typical “OH LIFE IS SO BEAUTIFUL” quotes. We don’t do that here…

LIFE LESSON: I am Christina. I am one of billions of people on this earth. This is the earth, it is one of 8 planets in the solar system (since gravitation pull said fuck you to Pluto). This is our universe. It is one of God knows how many universes we don’t even know exist. So the next time you’re feeling egotistical just pull out a globe or an atlas and remind yourself how truly insignificant you are.

1. Who ceases to be a friend can kiss my ass.

2. Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told: “FUCK YOU!”

3. Any failure will tell you, you suck.

4. If the Creator had a purpose in equipping us with a neck, He surely meant us to break it.

5. Today’s preparation determines NOTHING.

6. To believe a thing is impossible is likely to be realistic.

7. If you do it right 51% of the time, you’re missing 49%.

8. The only place that success comes before hard work is everywhere nowadays.

9. Pretend that every single person you meet has a sign around their neck that says: “Make me feel important.” Then keep walking.

10. Success.. seems to be connected with action. You give action to the right person and you’ll be successful.

11. If you want the rainbow, buy a bag of skittles.

12. The difference between a mountain and a molehill is that you can fall down one and trip over the other.

13. You never know what you can do until your psychiatrist tells you otherwise.

14. Not everything that is faced can be changed: This is a harsh reality for the makeup industry.

15. The only people who never fail are assholes.

16. Nothing great will ever be achieved without great men, so I guess we’re all screwed.

17. If you can dream it, you should forget it.

18. Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to blow shit up.

19. Never lose sight of the fact that the most important yardstick of your success will be his penis.

20. Luck is infatuated with assholes.

21. Success comes in cans, failure in barrels.

22. Small opportunities are often the beginning of big rejection.

23. When the sun rises, all hell breaks loose.

24. There is no more lovely, friendly, and charming relationship, communion, or company than a good cookie.

25. When life hands you lemons, throw them at people.

Yours truly,

Reality

Published in: on August 2, 2009 at 4:03 AM  Comments (2)  
Tags: , , , ,