Studies indicate that smoking actually saves lives! In a recent experiment, 100 smokers and 100 non-smokers were placed in a room with 50 hyperactive children that closely resembled monkeys on acid. The smokers were told to smoke as much as they pleased while the non-smokers were told that under no circumstances could they ask a smoker for a cigarette.
The experiment was conducted over the course of 48 hours in which the demons children were screaming, crying and jumping all over the participants. After the first 2 hours, 40 non-smokers were engaged in ultimate fights with the children (and losing). 20 were curled up in a ball on the floor. 15 were staring into space. 10 were crying hysterically. 10 were scaling the walls trying to find a way out. And 5 were banging their heads against the wall. All were asking for cigarettes.
No smokers were harmed during this experiment.